Heartless Universe Comix

Now a new series called “How Much Fun Would It Be, On a...

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 14:40:57 -0700

Now a new series called “How Much Fun Would It Be, On a Scale from 1 to 10?”

Photo

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:00:55 -0700

Fancy cats fancy Fancy’s #4: Ataxia, Ingestion of Unknown...

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:47:04 -0700

Fancy cats fancy Fancy’s #4: Ataxia, Ingestion of Unknown Toxin

FCFF is this thing where the artist draws a sad cat and then writes beneath it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived ten minutes longer.

Heartless Universe is out of control. Please stay tuned.

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:55:00 -0700

Heartless Universe is out of control. Please stay tuned.

Fancy Cats Fancy Fancy’s #3: Strangulation due to Curtain...

Thu, 09 May 2013 14:56:00 -0700

Fancy Cats Fancy Fancy’s #3: Strangulation due to Curtain Drawstring Entanglement

FCFF is a thing wherein the artist draws a picture of a sad cat and then writes beneath it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived another ten minutes.

Here’s a frame from an upcoming comic starring the Murder...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:53:00 -0700

Here’s a frame from an upcoming comic starring the Murder Solving Senior, re-imagined as a senior citizen desperately clinging to her youth while battling her own realizations that she will never really be able to get the attention of her technologically advanced grandson. Stay tuned!

Follow me on Twitter @HeartlessUni

Fancy cats fancy Fancy’s #2: Flea Bite Anemia FCFF is...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 00:36:00 -0800

Fancy cats fancy Fancy’s #2: Flea Bite Anemia

FCFF is where the artist draws a sad cat and then writes beneath it what the cat would have done if it could have lived ten minutes longer.

In an attempt to be more commercial, I present to you this new...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 00:09:00 -0800

In an attempt to be more commercial, I present to you this new cartoon series about cats. It’s a thing where every week the artist draws a picture of a sad cat and then writes under it the one thing the cat would have done if it could have lived for fifteen more minutes. Is that funny or sad?

Anyway, the series is called Fancy Cats Fancy Fancy’s. (When I told the boyfriend this he actually said back, “So fancies are what fancy cats fancy?” and then the word lost all meaning.) The series posts a new cartoon every Tuesday, but it does not update on federally observed holidays.

All this and more you can have by following this link. Happy...

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 01:17:00 -0800

All this and more you can have by following this link.

Happy Christmas! Buy from me!

(I’m aware that it’s actually not Christmas today, it’s actually the third night of Hanukkah, but I hope you understand that the demographic with the most buying power is teenagers with a Christian heritage, ages 14 to 22, and I talk to who has the money) (That’s why I am obligated to mention Ke$ha in every post.)(Which was really hard because at first I couldn’t figure out how to make a $ with this computer.) (It’s actually quite easy. I showed the girls at the office!) What was I talking about? Oh yeah, stay away from my girly magazines. This here’s grown up stuff.

Here’s a commercial break: So I actually worked on this...

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 00:24:00 -0800

Here’s a commercial break: So I actually worked on this thing for months, but it’s finally ready to sell! Check out my Etsy store to look at these hand drawn Tobias Funke Window Cling Fashion Dolls up close! Intrigued? What if I told you that it comes with more than 65 pieces? Would that get you to click on the link? What if I told you that I’ve been coughing up blood for a week? Okay, the last thing’s a lie, but please give me your money.

Happy Halloween! Here’s a Betty Boop cartoon from the...

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 02:00:00 -0700

Happy Halloween! Here’s a Betty Boop cartoon from the 30’s that’s mostly in poor taste. It was eventually banned from children’s television. Because of all the boobs, you’d assume? Or perhaps because of all the scenes where it really looks like Betty is fucking something? (see the scene beginning at 2:50 where a cow’s horns and a pumpkin are an obvious metaphor for S-E-X and Boop’s perpetual virginity. Or see the six full seconds of Betty presenting her ass to the camera while gyrating from 3:06 to 3:12)

But that’s not the reason this cartoon was banned. And if not because of the horrible body image that Betty Boop might give our daughters and nieces, then perhaps you might assume the objection that caused the film’s ban would have been over moments like when all those vaguely racist looking bears break into the house and interrupt Betty’s drunken sing-a-long party? But no, it was none of these things that so offended America the cartoon could not be aired on children’s television. The offending scene is the one beginning at 2:58 where Boop lights up a bunch of joints for some junkie jack-o-lanterns.

Update: Now that pot is legal in Washington and Colorado I’d like to see this cartoon brought back on the air, since it is no longer offensive to children.

Heartless Universe Comix #29! The day I remember Father’s...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 13:07:00 -0700

Heartless Universe Comix #29!

The day I remember Father’s Day within two weeks of its actual date is the day I’m no longer an alcoholic with daddy issues.

Follow me on Twitter! @HeartlessUni

Update: Don’t do what I just suggested you do. I never got around to setting up that account, and I’m probably not going to do it tonight.

And check out the web store on Etsy!

Update: But do do that though.

Like the Simpsons and Arrested Development before it, this...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 04:59:00 -0700

Like the Simpsons and Arrested Development before it, this series has made one too many episodes.

Just kidding, and can’t wait for the Arrested Development return! Here’s some Arrested Development fan art you would like to buy from me: store

Also, the Simpsons have made over 200 too many episodes.

Anyway, this cartoon is an episode about these guys, once again. This jerk just won’t die!

In technical news, I’ve updated from the boring, free layout of the blog to this newer, more colorful, and free layout.

~~Also the blog will now update every Monday!~~ UPDATE: Never mind.

Okay so I noticed that since I posted that cartoon with the...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 14:23:00 -0700

Okay so I noticed that since I posted that cartoon with the penises that I’ve gotten a lot more viewers, so I’ve decided to go True Blood and desperately flash Ryan Quantin’s ass to get you to look at me. (That’s not a lie. I actually traced a picture of Ryan Quantin’s ass for the fifth panel.) Thus I present to you the following new cartoon series.

This is a science-fiction series about a man trapped in a dark world where clothing was never invented and the local college football team has been turned into zombies. It updates every other Monday.

Be sure to check out my Etsy Shop to look at other weird crap I’d like to sell you.

Heartless Universe Comix #25 To those of you who, surprisingly,...

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 10:30:00 -0700

Heartless Universe Comix #25

To those of you who, surprisingly, remain dedicated fans, I apologize for my tardiness. More work coming soon, I promise. In the meantime, here are some Murder Solving Senior sketches.

Lots of new items at the Heartless Universe Comix store on Etsy, including Arrested Development Paper Dolls and a Hulk Hogan Fashion Doll!

Happy Holidays from Heartless Universe Comix! I’m taking a...

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:03:00 -0800

Happy Holidays from Heartless Universe Comix!

I’m taking a break to work on my grad school applications. See you in January!

The pilot of War Profiteer & Orphan was successful enough...

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 07:11:00 -0800

The pilot of War Profiteer & Orphan was successful enough that I have decided to go ahead and make the series. Here it is in Technicolor beauty. It updates monthly on the second Friday.

In this re-visioning of the Murder-Solving Senior, the senior...

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 07:08:00 -0800

In this re-visioning of the Murder-Solving Senior, the senior must board in a new nursing home, where her parrot arch nemesis keeps her awake at night. The series is in color and can be seen every Wednesday at 7 pm.

See the original Murder-Solving Senior cartoon series here.

Heartless Universe Comix #21 Read the original Store Manager and...

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 07:10:05 -0800

Heartless Universe Comix #21

Read the original Store Manager and Punk HERE.

Heartless Universe Comix #20

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:27:00 -0800

Heartless Universe Comix #20